Djo

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A Year Ago: 'I was not aware until recently.  I did not know this music existed and I am sad for the time I missed and simultaneously glad for being here now. I'm not going to provide details of this band.  If you are interested please go ahead and search for that information yourself.  If you care, it may bring a smile.   I love the music I have heard from this band so far. Literally, everything makes me smile and feel an uplifted kind f joy that I do not feel often with just music.  Normally there has to be some sort of memory already attached to a song but this album I've been listening to today is phenomenal.  'right out tha gate.' DECIDE. Such a great word.  Yes, there are innumerable possibilities in this world.  Possibilities of the life you could live, the path you could take to lead you, hopefully, to heights of success and happiness you can't even imagine.  But, the thing is, you have to decide.  You can't let yourself sit there and think so much. 
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Impractically Practical

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It is impractical to go broke while teaching yourself how to make a new life.
It is impractical to not get a job to pay bills while you re-build yourself.
I must be insane to put myself in this position.
I am breaking hearts...including my own.

To make this new life I've had to give up so much already
In my strongest moments I think about the drawings my Dad gave me for Christmas 2 years before he died.  I don't know where they are...really I only know they are not with me and it hurts.
It's a sharp pain.  It's a jagged, heavy rock spinning wildly in my throat and the only way to release the pressure of the million sharp cuts to my esophagus is to cry my little heart out.

And they say crying doesn't help anything...

More will have to go.  All of me, I'm sure. More will have to be sacrificed to the Goddess so that I may grow strong lungs, a mighty endurance and a wild heart.  Only with this growth will I be able to shine like the sun.

It is practical to focus one's being toward the desired form.
It is practical to give everything one wants to receive.

I take each step slowly but firmly.  The possibility of falling is real.
I am sane now that I have no real idea what I'm doing.



-- I love reading my writings from just a couple of months ago..

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