I want to rent a small, warm cabin near woods in the middle of a super snowy winter place. I want all the wood I could need to already be cut and I will plan for and purchase the food needed to stay there for 2-3 months. I want to be there alone with a dog or two and all the jewelry supplies I have plus a few more purchases. I also will need electricity to listen to books, music, and movies. Wifi for sure but not for communication.
I have always wanted this. Some sort of cabin alone with dogs for cuddling and security.
It reads like I am, more and more, retreating from the world but I don't feel like that's what's happening. At least it's not the desired end result.
There's a whole world that doesn't yet exist because I haven't created it and I need A LOT of space to get it going. I'll have to give it love and attention so it can become an extension of me but not me.
I wonder sometimes if people love me because of the memories they have of me or because of who I am right now. I guess there are very few people who know me now anyway. Maybe I wonder too much about the possible answers to questions like that.
When I don't wonder, who I am is made up entirely of right now: Am I comfortable/in the right position to do the thing that I'm doing? Am I in a FUCK YES moment?
Yes' translate to forward movement. And we all like movement, eh? Movement that feels good, movement toward good feelings, and end results (though we don't know about those yet, right? not until we get there and 'there' is 'now')
I like that thinking and writing about this kind of NOW IS THE ONLY seems circular and whirly and interwoven into swirly curving lines of thought. It reaffirms that thinking can lead to thinking too much and that only leads to confusion and sometimes stress.
I'm over here. Where are you?
www.lolaandspike.com ...mhmm...soon it will be the right time to make jewelry again. Until then I'll do what is required of now. There are some beautiful pieces for sale right now. Go take a look!
Laters!
R
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