Grow (W)here You Are Planted

It gets harder to stay focused every day.  I create and create.  I photograph, edit and post.  I research SEO and trends then remember 'my people will find me' is the motto I'm working with.  My fear tries really hard to take over and make me focus on how much money I'm NOT making because NO ONE is buying what I'm selling.  I even think this post is too close to giving up. One thing I know for sure is I have been successful at finding who TF I am.  I came to Florida to be with family... my brother has known me his entire life.  He knew me before life changed me and so it is easy to just 'be' here.  There are a couple other places/people I can do this in/with but this was the cheapest to move to. No make-up, a basic uniform of clothing to wear each day, no decisions to make, clean hair and skin.  Sleep and eat as well as I can, sweat often, stretch and exercise, and feel all of it.  Affirmations in the morning and at night, face yoga, I'm still a woman. 

Image by  Norbert Pietsch  from  Pixabay I am living. I walk around and do things. I sit and relax, maybe watch t.v. or tickle my Lola. During any and all of these moments, thoughts travel in the universe that is my mind and they grow wings...or wheels It's so easy for me to get lost in thought that I forget to share.  I forget that I should be sitting in front of a screen with a keyboard.  I should be spewing the things that are happening in my head. I swear so many of these thoughts just happen. and I get to spend time wandering and flowing the path that they create. I always see thoughts and ideas as energy speeding right past just above our heads...the creative ones are just the ones that decided to grab one or two or... Some thoughts have created indentations on the path like an old rickety horse drawn cart slowly making its way through a town,  patiently on its way home. Other thoughts are new and, while I'm in them, I can look around and see colors and shapes. Sometimes,

River Ridge, Georgia, 2011, Rebecca Scott               You know those lovely Sunday afternoons, where you finally relax enough to just be? You're home alone or at your best friend's house just aiming your eyes at the TV. The sound is down because you're both tired and want to enjoy the sound of the rain outside. You let yourself go in and out of consciousness, napping most of the day. Then you hear the rain slow to a constant, slow drip just outside the open window. I call that a gray day. It might actually be gray with clouds and fo g or it might even be sunny and so hot nothing seems to move. Those days are life for me. They mean I have finally reached a moment where I can breathe. All my muscles are unwound and my breathing is slow and deep. Occasionally one corner of my mouth turns up...all by itself, as my mind wanders into and out of memories. When I moved to Florida, I worried I wouldn't get perfect gray days anymore. For over 20 years, Georgia pro

Photo Credit Rebecca Scott There's something to be said for allowing the words to just happen. It may just be my luck, or maybe I've found the space where I can allow myself to just be in such a way that ideas and feelings just find their way onto a page, through me. Whatever it is, it is. Mornings are the best right now.  Slow mornings give way to a relaxed job.  I work for a few hours and then take my scheduled break and have lunch, love on my dog and think about all the things I want to do, to make and all the places I'll go when it is feasible to do so. Health concerns being what they are and finding myself in a serious desire to NOT get sick with this virus, travel is limited, duh, to 3 or 4 spots depending on the day and the need.  Home, Brother's house, grocery store, and sometimes one other house for dinner with the fam.  Just the other day, I felt it...the thing so many are feeling and started feeling much earlier in this semi-quarantine time...I NEEDED to be s

Rebecca Scott it’s  been years... years of figuring out who to be, where to be, why to be. fluttering moments of bookended with such trying. I can only hope it was for a reason. it was. I had to get here somehow and  I could only walk this path. Here. Am I here? do I exist or am I just dreaming so? what happens to me when the dreamer awakes? is she already and just a little sleepy still? —sometimes when I wake in the morning when I just gaze at the back-lit curtain, letting thoughts become what they wish, I smile. This one is really interesting and wild.    I must remember what I felt during this other bit and grow it patiently in the real.    It’s like finding puzzle pieces in the dark and then finding where they fit.

Rebecca Scott In the second act the hero is placed into a situation that is unsolvable. she is put in jeopardy. you, the reader, don't know how it's going to turn out. Guess what? the hero is aware of where she has been placed. She also has no idea how this is going to turn out. she only knows she must take each step, be aware of the now and choose a direction. each step is hers to take and she will do so with whatever feeling she must to make it so. She is, after all, the hero of this story. And I know who I am. 

When I look at her I see every age she's been. I cycle back through the years and the days, the moments. Sometimes I look around and I can see them smiling at her, being proud of her. I can feel the breeze coming off the ocean on a sunny day. She's 19 now and she's strong and she's sarcastic she's funny and she cares. She doesn't try to try is to believe you will fail. She does it. She dives in and does the thing and she doesn't need your input. She may ask your thoughts, from time to time, mostly to check herself but also to check you. don't get left or she'll fly by and get them ankles. 1/14/2008

at some point you have to make a choice you have to decide who you are and what you want this is that point Can we say "Geez!!"? I keep aiming and re-aiming myself at words, freelancing, blogging, Medium, notepad, Ecojot notebook I try to remember a couple of things while I feel like I'm floating in a beautiful sea no land in sight in any direction I turn, I know its out there... 1. My mom would often remind me that everything I want is just around the corner the trick is to be patient considering you can never actually know where that corner is to be found. 2. I remind myself that thoughts create reality so, when I find my thoughts spiraling down a drain of darkness and fear, I reign that shit in, go outside and look up at the sky and the trees and breathe deep and slow. 'Let the thoughts exist and go, only lightly focus on the ones that lead you in the direction of the life that is yours, the life that you want.' This moment in my