Grow (W)here You Are Planted

I want to rent a small, warm cabin near woods in the middle of a super snowy winter place.  I want all the wood I could need to already be cut and I will plan for and purchase the food needed to stay there for 2-3 months.  I want to be there alone with a dog or two and all the jewelry supplies I have plus a few more purchases.  I also will need electricity to listen to books, music, and movies.  Wifi for sure but not for communication.  I have always wanted this.  Some sort of cabin alone with dogs for cuddling and security.  It reads like I am, more and more, retreating from the world but I don't feel like that's what's happening.  At least it's not the desired end result. There's a whole world that doesn't yet exist because I haven't created it and I need A LOT of space to get it going.  I'll have to give it love and attention so it can become an extension of me but not me. I wonder sometimes if people love me because of the memories they have of me or

 I started affiliate marketing just a little while ago.  It's been a trip so far getting into all the different programs and learning how my piece of the process works.  I am, more often than not, someone who learns by doing.  The only issue there is that I've been a perfectionist most of my life.  This has proven to be paralyzing since all it does is stop me from doing something until I deem it as close to perfect as possible.  My 40's have been all about getting over that mess. Image by  Marcelo Kato  from  Pixabay   So I 'do' and when I know better, I 'do' better.  In the interest of helping myself learn, I have found a few books that have really helped me to hone in on the affiliate marketing process, use others' knowledge to organize myself, and have given me a looooong list of things to think about and work toward. Image by  yogesh more  from  Pixabay   A note, as an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. Here they are: I truly hope yo

  I'm going to guess there's a way to make this work. This life of mine can't just be 'work all day, eat, sleep a bit, and do it all again the next day'. I did that for 16 years and have literally nothing to show for it.  Well, that's not true.  I have friendships and I have knowledge.  I learned how to think during that time.  Some of it not so useful and really quite depressing and in need of therapy.  Most of it though...It has allowed me to be present in these clouds of uncertainty in a way I never would have been able to be before. What do I do with this presence? I work on various projects every day.  None of them are paying me at all though.  Here's the stuff, maybe you'll check it out? make a purchase? 1.  My YouTube channel, where I have started posting relaxation/meditation videos which I personally use for sleep: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVMT2BUP_C0fUdBxckvXvbg 2.  I have two Etsy stores but only one is open right now for lack of fundi

 That was intense.  The thing is, this is my life.  My mind runs miles over all of the things I need to do, all of the things I want to do and how to find myself in the middle of accomplishing all of it.  The I realize I can't do all of it alone and I start to hyperventilate and my heart speeds up and I feel pressure build up in my entire body.   Then I take a deep breath...and another...and one more... Then I blink and look at something I enjoy or at someone I love and I count my blessings...literally. BLESSINGS: 1. Health - my own and that of those I love and those they love and even the folks I encounter in my daily travels especially the ones who look like they could use a little support 2. Love - I have so much love in my life from family, friends, the ground beneath my feet and the water lapping there as well.   And my Lola.  She is the best girl and knows just when I need a little extra support.

 I'm watching a video. In the video, a very white man just told me that the brain is "an electronic switching station that alters the vibration you're in". I smiled and this is what my brain did: This very white man just brought up vibration as a state of being.  He also implied, correctly, that vibration changes.  I now truly believe that everything in this life is vibration.  We are vibrating, all of us at different levels.  Inanimate objects are vibrating at lower levels.  In fact, the lower the level, the more solid it appears. Immediately after, I thought to myself: Why do I NOW believe this all to be so very true? Is it because a very white man has uttered the same information I have known almost my entire life? Do I not believe myself? Do I not believe every other non-white person who has uttered these same words? Has it been so ingrained in my DNA that the white man is the one who is right? ugh The beauty of this moment is that I know the questioning is the be

I have a thing for rain.  It helps me sleep and breathe and well, to live, really.  Georgia was good for rain.  There was always the possibility of rain and it was always well advertised.  Mother Nature would spend long hours teasing darkening clouds and light winds turning into gusts of cleansing air.   Maybe I'm romanticizing my 20+ years there...Maybe not. At any rate, Florida is dry.  The time when things are meant to be growing and green and fecund, Spring, ends all too quickly and we are left with the driest air which, coupled with the hard water in the shower, means I am FOREVER oiling and lotioning my entire body.  There are worst things, I know. I decided to make rain for myself while I wait for the daily afternoon showers I know will come soon. Enjoy...

  what if the universe is echoes of each of us expanding outward? what if, every time we grow a new wrinkle in our brain, a new accumulation of gas and dust collapses into a star? Image by  Arek Socha  from  Pixabay if I take the time, each day, to pointedly think about the past traumas that I know have been experienced by members of my family, by ancestors long gone now in physical form but strongly present in the shape of my nose and my hands or the last names I carry with me...If I knowingly walk right through the intensity of these daily realizations, am I able to heat up a nebula or 500?? I remember the first time I heard about the Butterfly Effect. It holds that a butterfly flapping its wings in exactly the right place at exactly the right moment, it has the power to cause a hurricane elsewhere. Such beautiful chaos emanates from the strength of my thoughts. I am often surprised to find myself in the exact place I imagined myself to be, performing the exact task I pictured and

  She opened her eyes and let the sunshine envelop her.  Weekends were always the best.  Dad was outside mowing the lawn and the rooster next door apparently had no inner clock.  She rolled over and felt the crisp sheets on her skin and smiled.   Dressed and ready to play, down the stairs she went to brush her teeth in the parents' bathroom to be followed by breakfast.  Johnny was already outside running around the backyard, being chased by the dogs, giant smile on his little kid face.  When he was happy all you could really see was his teeth.  They were big for his face though he would grow into them later in life and he would always need braces though he would never get them. Becky crunched cornflakes and watched as mom appeared and reappeared through the doorways in her view as she cleaned the house and brought it back to its best state = organization.  From the kitchen she told me to get outside and to remember to take some water with me and a lemonade for my dad.  He would be

 It just hit me I just read about something new coming in 2021 and at first, I felt like I always do when I read that phrase 'coming in 2021'.  That's SO far away.   But, today it hit me,  2021 starts in less than 50 days. All this time, this whole year, I think I've been waiting for 2020 to start.  The pandemic, the stress of lockdown, losing family to Covid, dealing with job loss and being unable to live the way I am used to makes me feel like I've been put on hold.  The year never really got started for me and, I fear, you either. So, what to do about it? well, all there is to do is keep moving forward.  I wake each day thankful for the sun or the rain or the wind as it expresses itself outside my window.  I am thankful for my Lola and my family and everyone I love and those they love and on and on.  I start my days with a long list of items I must accomplish as I create the life I've always dreamed of and rest my head on my pillow at night ready to get at th

Image by  Norbert Pietsch  from  Pixabay I am living. I walk around and do things. I sit and relax, maybe watch t.v. or tickle my Lola. During any and all of these moments, thoughts travel in the universe that is my mind and they grow wings...or wheels It's so easy for me to get lost in thought that I forget to share.  I forget that I should be sitting in front of a screen with a keyboard.  I should be spewing the things that are happening in my head. I swear so many of these thoughts just happen. and I get to spend time wandering and flowing the path that they create. I always see thoughts and ideas as energy speeding right past just above our heads...the creative ones are just the ones that decided to grab one or two or... Some thoughts have created indentations on the path like an old rickety horse drawn cart slowly making its way through a town,  patiently on its way home. Other thoughts are new and, while I'm in them, I can look around and see colors and shapes. Sometimes,

purchased from  https://weposters.com/ When I find something that speaks to me, the feeling is overwhelming.  There is no question that THIS is good, meaningful and on my path. It's like I'm walking on a beautiful, green path on a bright, colorful day and suddenly, when I look down to my feet, I stop.  I pick up the most beautiful, shining orb and it is shooting warm light out of itself and right at me. And it feels good. It'll look good on the wall too... The work I've been doing on the inside is showing as a particular style and color scheme that is reminiscent of my childhood home and life but also with a twist.  Browns, blues and all the bohemian combos thereof as well as the occasional gold and hot-ass pink with lots and lots of plants... from Architectural Digest hmmm...Look at this room!!! I"m in love and in understanding...soon, when I've finally finished unpacking the last couple of boxes, I'll post some photos of my apartment...I love it. Things a

Photo Credit Rebecca Scott There's something to be said for allowing the words to just happen. It may just be my luck, or maybe I've found the space where I can allow myself to just be in such a way that ideas and feelings just find their way onto a page, through me. Whatever it is, it is. Mornings are the best right now.  Slow mornings give way to a relaxed job.  I work for a few hours and then take my scheduled break and have lunch, love on my dog and think about all the things I want to do, to make and all the places I'll go when it is feasible to do so. Health concerns being what they are and finding myself in a serious desire to NOT get sick with this virus, travel is limited, duh, to 3 or 4 spots depending on the day and the need.  Home, Brother's house, grocery store, and sometimes one other house for dinner with the fam.  Just the other day, I felt it...the thing so many are feeling and started feeling much earlier in this semi-quarantine time...I NEEDED to be s

photo credit : Rebecca Scott John and Linda were kind and strong, full of love and easy to laughter, powerful beyond universe, unflinching and to the point. They moved forward with an ease that I am still learning to settle into it started early my worry about money the 4 of us, mom dad bro and me would do everything together it rocked when we’d drive home from school or to the store or to/from anywhere my parents would talk about money how to make what we had work what needs took precedence being the oldest and a Capricorn I would make sure to be quiet so they could have the space to figure things out and in that quiet, I’d listen I have never developed a positive process with money I often buy more than I need just in case i run out of money  I’ve aways been a spender as soon as I have some extra I proceed to shop for all the things I couldn’t buy before the influx This is, insanely, the first time I’ve had this realization...I’

Rebecca Scott In the second act the hero is placed into a situation that is unsolvable. she is put in jeopardy. you, the reader, don't know how it's going to turn out. Guess what? the hero is aware of where she has been placed. She also has no idea how this is going to turn out. she only knows she must take each step, be aware of the now and choose a direction. each step is hers to take and she will do so with whatever feeling she must to make it so. She is, after all, the hero of this story. And I know who I am. 

Something happened and I changed. Maybe it was years of loneliness covered in the love of my friends and family Maybe it was the car accident that took them from us Maybe it was getting fired from a company I chose to give 16 years of my life to Maybe it was months of sending my resume out and receiving rejection after rejection all the while running out of money, focusing too hard on all the things I cannot change. My life is good but there are in between moments of not good so much stress I think about becoming a cliche How is it I did everything 'right' and still find myself here? first, there is no 'right'. There is only a choice to be made, right or wrong. There's even a choice to choose. The thing to understand...and then remember when all seems lost is that this is MY life.  EVERY choice I make is mine to make and mine to live and each one is exactly the choice I must make  every moment of every day though my mind seems lost right now and

When I look at her I see every age she's been. I cycle back through the years and the days, the moments. Sometimes I look around and I can see them smiling at her, being proud of her. I can feel the breeze coming off the ocean on a sunny day. She's 19 now and she's strong and she's sarcastic she's funny and she cares. She doesn't try to try is to believe you will fail. She does it. She dives in and does the thing and she doesn't need your input. She may ask your thoughts, from time to time, mostly to check herself but also to check you. don't get left or she'll fly by and get them ankles. 1/14/2008

HOLYYYY SHIT! I've got a lot of irons in the fire. I'm setting up a photography website that promises to be a work in progress.  First, I will showcase my photo re-touching capabilities so I can sell them and, over time and Universe willing, it will grow to a photography website that will have photo shoots, re-touching and prints for sale.  No big deal.  I'm just over here completely re-vamping my life and all aspects of it.  Not people though...well, not letting go of people.  I am open, as always, to new people entering my life and making it even more beautiful. FLORIDA PERK!!!:Afternoons in downtown St. Pete

On this full moon I let go of fear fear of not being enough fear of being too much fear of having too much fear of not having enough I let go of pain and I let go of love. I let go of everything that is and everything I want to be. All of these feelings and more are now free to travel into me and through me find a space within where they can teach and stay or go as needed. I've noticed full moon nights are always windy nights something is always coming something else is always going I stood outside tonight and spoke magic into the wind I took a deep breath and tears of joy filled my eyes and then the wind stopped.

I learned about beauty from my mother. Every morning, Mom would brush my hair.  It was always a to do because my brother and I were not ‘wake up early’ people then.  I’m still not.  I used to think that when she touched me, even my hair, she could hear my thoughts like I was speaking them out loud.  There were a few mornings I found myself forcing positive thoughts about her in my head so she wouldn’t know I was still mad about having to clean my room the day before.  The rule was that no matter what, hair had to look good for school. I was 12 or 13 the first time I ‘got ready’ for a real party, with boys and hormones, and I remember she helped me put on some makeup and perfume.  I had gotten my period recently and I think she had decided it was time to see what I thought about the next level of womanhood.  It was the first time I saw myself as pretty.  I wore a red pencil skirt and an oversized white button down shirt.  It was the 80’s.  There were a few more parties she helped

The squirrels in the trees in my backyard like to drop down to different branches.  I thought about this for a while today while I watched them and I realized they drop, not because it is easy, but because they will go any direction to get onto the better branch.  The stronger branch. The branch with more food on it. I've been thinking that I failed.  I moved up the ladder and failed.  Then I fell off of the ladder. Turns out, I just needed to get onto a better branch.  I needed to get onto MY ladder because there are so many ladders it looks like that scene in The Imaginarium of Dr Parnassus.  There's an open field and there's a slew of ladders standing up all over the field.  We all get to choose which one we're going to climb.  What no one tells you is you can climb one, change your mind or fall off, and choose another one.  Any ladder that exists is yours for the climbing.  I'll tell you something else, though its a theory as of this moment, you can make your