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Showing posts with the label mind

Djo

A Year Ago: 'I was not aware until recently.  I did not know this music existed and I am sad for the time I missed and simultaneously glad for being here now. I'm not going to provide details of this band.  If you are interested please go ahead and search for that information yourself.  If you care, it may bring a smile.   I love the music I have heard from this band so far. Literally, everything makes me smile and feel an uplifted kind f joy that I do not feel often with just music.  Normally there has to be some sort of memory already attached to a song but this album I've been listening to today is phenomenal.  'right out tha gate.' DECIDE. Such a great word.  Yes, there are innumerable possibilities in this world.  Possibilities of the life you could live, the path you could take to lead you, hopefully, to heights of success and happiness you can't even imagine.  But, the thing is, you have to decide.  You can't let yourself sit there and think so much. 

WTF...Oh Right

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It gets harder to stay focused every day.  I create and create.  I photograph, edit and post.  I research SEO and trends then remember 'my people will find me' is the motto I'm working with.  My fear tries really hard to take over and make me focus on how much money I'm NOT making because NO ONE is buying what I'm selling.  I even think this post is too close to giving up. One thing I know for sure is I have been successful at finding who TF I am.  I came to Florida to be with family... my brother has known me his entire life.  He knew me before life changed me and so it is easy to just 'be' here.  There are a couple other places/people I can do this in/with but this was the cheapest to move to. No make-up, a basic uniform of clothing to wear each day, no decisions to make, clean hair and skin.  Sleep and eat as well as I can, sweat often, stretch and exercise, and feel all of it.  Affirmations in the morning and at night, face yoga, I'm still a woman. 
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mhmm I've been writing a lot.  I've been posting a lot.  I've added a link to my stories on Medium down below. I can't afford a therapist right now so, instead, I'm writing... everything that's on my mind.  Mostly working to find how my mind works and develop that into a path to writing a book.  I've toyed with some ideas...started some stories.  There's one about an octopus looking for her family that I thought could help to kids living in foster care.  There's another, grimier one, about a guy who's in love and decides to get his life in order so he can prove himself to the woman he loves.  Haven't found my story yet but on I search. Most of my writings feel like they might be dark or sad.  I think that's ok...gotta get it out somehow.  And anyway, I have a dark mind.  Things make me laugh that many find distasteful.  I"m ok with that because I am also full of love for all the bright things in the world and in people.