Grow (W)here You Are Planted

 I started affiliate marketing just a little while ago.  It's been a trip so far getting into all the different programs and learning how my piece of the process works.  I am, more often than not, someone who learns by doing.  The only issue there is that I've been a perfectionist most of my life.  This has proven to be paralyzing since all it does is stop me from doing something until I deem it as close to perfect as possible.  My 40's have been all about getting over that mess. Image by  Marcelo Kato  from  Pixabay   So I 'do' and when I know better, I 'do' better.  In the interest of helping myself learn, I have found a few books that have really helped me to hone in on the affiliate marketing process, use others' knowledge to organize myself, and have given me a looooong list of things to think about and work toward. Image by  yogesh more  from  Pixabay   A note, as an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. Here they are: I truly hope yo

 Has this always been a cafe? I can see the memory of robes strolling past, people in deep conversations enjoying the sunshine and preparing for their day. Image by  David Mark  from  Pixabay The giant columns somehow make me feel at home.  I watch some teenagers laughing near the doorway to the shop across the street. Moments where I am seen and unseen help me relax into my first solo trip to Rome. I sit here and the warm breeze clashes with my tea and I wish I had ordered something cool to drink. No matter, I'm in the shade and will be for a while.  I'll just lean back and people-watch.  God, this language is beautiful!! How have I not started lessons yet! I am here and can totally see myself not going home.  This is home now. Image by  Manuel Reina  from  Pixabay   I have to force myself not to get lost in imagining my life in some fabulous little villa in the rolling hills nearby.  From one of the bedroom windows, I can see this cafe in the distance.  I could plan my visits

  I'm going to guess there's a way to make this work. This life of mine can't just be 'work all day, eat, sleep a bit, and do it all again the next day'. I did that for 16 years and have literally nothing to show for it.  Well, that's not true.  I have friendships and I have knowledge.  I learned how to think during that time.  Some of it not so useful and really quite depressing and in need of therapy.  Most of it though...It has allowed me to be present in these clouds of uncertainty in a way I never would have been able to be before. What do I do with this presence? I work on various projects every day.  None of them are paying me at all though.  Here's the stuff, maybe you'll check it out? make a purchase? 1.  My YouTube channel, where I have started posting relaxation/meditation videos which I personally use for sleep: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVMT2BUP_C0fUdBxckvXvbg 2.  I have two Etsy stores but only one is open right now for lack of fundi

 There's something that happens late in the day. Around 4 or 5 o'clock, I become very relaxed and life seems full of promise.  Not to say that life is any less in the mornings, I'm just not aware of much in the mornings.  If I got out of bed, late sleeper, then I'm groggy or just 'in the soup' until the sun starts to consider going to bed. Anyway, 4 or 5 o'clock is when I start getting purposeful.  I look for work and apply and write and fill out all the things to be considered so that I can make money/create my freedom.  I start thinking about dinner and when I will begin to cook.  I smile at the thought of my evening walk with Lola who has, by now, had her meal of the day and has napped sufficiently at my feet and will soon stand up, sniff around the room and then softly place her head next to my leg as it dangles from the side of the bed.  I'd say she's my slice but she's the whole pie.      Dinner tonite is Manwich.  I'm also making banan

Photo Credit Rebecca Scott There's something to be said for allowing the words to just happen. It may just be my luck, or maybe I've found the space where I can allow myself to just be in such a way that ideas and feelings just find their way onto a page, through me. Whatever it is, it is. Mornings are the best right now.  Slow mornings give way to a relaxed job.  I work for a few hours and then take my scheduled break and have lunch, love on my dog and think about all the things I want to do, to make and all the places I'll go when it is feasible to do so. Health concerns being what they are and finding myself in a serious desire to NOT get sick with this virus, travel is limited, duh, to 3 or 4 spots depending on the day and the need.  Home, Brother's house, grocery store, and sometimes one other house for dinner with the fam.  Just the other day, I felt it...the thing so many are feeling and started feeling much earlier in this semi-quarantine time...I NEEDED to be s

Something happened and I changed. Maybe it was years of loneliness covered in the love of my friends and family Maybe it was the car accident that took them from us Maybe it was getting fired from a company I chose to give 16 years of my life to Maybe it was months of sending my resume out and receiving rejection after rejection all the while running out of money, focusing too hard on all the things I cannot change. My life is good but there are in between moments of not good so much stress I think about becoming a cliche How is it I did everything 'right' and still find myself here? first, there is no 'right'. There is only a choice to be made, right or wrong. There's even a choice to choose. The thing to understand...and then remember when all seems lost is that this is MY life.  EVERY choice I make is mine to make and mine to live and each one is exactly the choice I must make  every moment of every day though my mind seems lost right now and

When I look at her I see every age she's been. I cycle back through the years and the days, the moments. Sometimes I look around and I can see them smiling at her, being proud of her. I can feel the breeze coming off the ocean on a sunny day. She's 19 now and she's strong and she's sarcastic she's funny and she cares. She doesn't try to try is to believe you will fail. She does it. She dives in and does the thing and she doesn't need your input. She may ask your thoughts, from time to time, mostly to check herself but also to check you. don't get left or she'll fly by and get them ankles. 1/14/2008

at some point you have to make a choice you have to decide who you are and what you want this is that point Can we say "Geez!!"? I keep aiming and re-aiming myself at words, freelancing, blogging, Medium, notepad, Ecojot notebook I try to remember a couple of things while I feel like I'm floating in a beautiful sea no land in sight in any direction I turn, I know its out there... 1. My mom would often remind me that everything I want is just around the corner the trick is to be patient considering you can never actually know where that corner is to be found. 2. I remind myself that thoughts create reality so, when I find my thoughts spiraling down a drain of darkness and fear, I reign that shit in, go outside and look up at the sky and the trees and breathe deep and slow. 'Let the thoughts exist and go, only lightly focus on the ones that lead you in the direction of the life that is yours, the life that you want.' This moment in my

Photo credit: Steven Arenas When opening one's heart one must remember not to think. Do not think about who is listening, what they will think about what you are saying/writing/singing, whether or not your audience will 'look' at you differently. Focus on what you are sharing Focus on speaking the truth Remember who you are and Why you are here, now. Opening your heart may feel intense or big. You may find yourself trembling or breathing strangely. There may be thoughts in your head flying by so fast you have no idea what they are. Sometimes, you may fell as though it may prudent to stop altogether. When these feelings arise when they seem to be taking over your entire person when someone nearby, or even in your head, sees sweat forming on your brow and invariably mentions anxiety remember... breathe... Focus on what you are sharing Focus on speaking the truth Remember who you are and Why you are here, now.

mhmm I've been writing a lot.  I've been posting a lot.  I've added a link to my stories on Medium down below. I can't afford a therapist right now so, instead, I'm writing... everything that's on my mind.  Mostly working to find how my mind works and develop that into a path to writing a book.  I've toyed with some ideas...started some stories.  There's one about an octopus looking for her family that I thought could help to kids living in foster care.  There's another, grimier one, about a guy who's in love and decides to get his life in order so he can prove himself to the woman he loves.  Haven't found my story yet but on I search. Most of my writings feel like they might be dark or sad.  I think that's ok...gotta get it out somehow.  And anyway, I have a dark mind.  Things make me laugh that many find distasteful.  I"m ok with that because I am also full of love for all the bright things in the world and in people.